Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
