It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
