New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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