You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
