her vagine was all disorganized.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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