i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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