just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
