I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
