Just invented taco cereal.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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