Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
