i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
