I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
