1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
