I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
