Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
