chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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