a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
