he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
