This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
