I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
