pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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