Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
