I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
