never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
