You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
