i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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