i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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