captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
