I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
