..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
