so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
