And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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