made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
