he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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