I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
this hospital has no fireball
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
