So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
