just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
