At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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