so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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