Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
