what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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