Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
