so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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