I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
