I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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