i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
