the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
