My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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