whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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