Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
