haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we're so committed to being not committed
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
