we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
