If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
