is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
