I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
