I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
